’70s splendour

When the modern world gets too much, do you wish you could go back to the good old days? How about we take a trip back to the ’70s today? I got several issues of this UK magazine from the early ’70s at a market at the start of the year and have finally got around to scanning them for your viewing pleasure (well, actually, for my own, but at least you get to see what kind of kooky stuff gets me all excited).

Excitement-inducing exhibit A. Boots with a cat in them.
Actually, I want these boots even if they don’t come with a free cat. They’re fur lined (fake fur, I imagine) AND waterproof AND cool. AND no longer available as far as I am aware, dammit.

The handiest stool ever is also no longer available and therefore, illogically, also high on my list of desirable items.
How cool is it!? You can put stuff in it and carry around the top part like a bucket! And you can sit on it! I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants one of these!

I also want this psychedelic blind for a child’s room, even though I don’t want the child. I think this might be the low-tech, eco-friendly version of that Pokemon cartoon that managed to give several children seizures a few years ago.

When I eventually persuade some unsuspecting male to go out with me, I am going to make them recreate this shot. Given that it never snows in Melbourne and I don’t know any available men, don’t hold your breath on this one. I don’t have the crochet rug either, but that would be the least of my worries.

I’m also very keen to get a blowtorch for my future soulmate (he’d probably give me a vacuum cleaner or maybe an iron in return). Because after all, there’s no way a mere girl could use a blowtorch!! I love how they list all the useful things that this tool can do (by “tool” I mean the blowtorch, not the guy in the picture) – and then they choose to show a crappy front door sign that he made.

So here is where I stop fantasising about all the good stuff from the ’70s and look at things that really were best left behind. I’ve no idea who to credit for these photos as so many people have emailed them to me lately and I can’t tell where they are from. I’m sure the men in these ads, plus all their relatives, prefer it that way.

I don’t know if you can make the image bigger to read the copy about this stunning jumpsuit but my favourite line (although I have to stop myself from vomiting at the same time) is “Easy on, easy off, quick as a flick of her tongue”.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you about the vomiting thing!

Most of the time when you chuck stuff in the washing machine on the wrong setting, it shrinks, but this collar has got longer instead. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Well, actually…

I think the best of the lot is Men in belted sweaters.
I just love the title. Kind of like Men in Black, but not quite as intimidating. Although scary in a completely different way. I’d like to see a collaboration between the film and the pattern book … Men in black belted sweaters?

Is this guy the spitting image of James Franco (who I happen to think is a bit of a spunk although there is no way I would see the movie where he cuts off his own arm) or what? Notice how he gets the girl, because he looks like James Franco, whereas the other men in belted sweaters are by themselves. Hmm, if all guys were this hot in the ’70s, a revival might not be such a bad thing…

And considering I have a pattern where the model looks like Australia’s prime minister, maybe I should start a spin-off blog about famous people who happen to model for craft publications?